gros faux pas

This past weekend, my coworkers and I celebrated the holidays with a traditional American feast and a white elephant exchange. The day before the party, I went to the nearest kitsch shop to look for the 'worst' gift I could find for under 20 RMB. Gold lacquered piggy banks with prominently rounded rear ends, earmuffs in the shape of rat-nosed foxes, a kiddie camera that makes a clicking noise and flashes a 5-watt bulb.
Then, up next to the sleek glass picture frames and chic ladies purses, I saw it: a bobble-headed clock. A very kitschy bobble-headed clock.

The base was in the shape of a sneaker with Ronald McDonald colors: yellow, white, and ketchup red. To this base was attached a spring coil, and at the head was an equally tomato-colored clock in the shape of a thumbs up sign. On the thumb was a smiley face, with two donut eyes and a sliver of a smile. The fingernails were painted mauve, and the letters HAPPY danced across the bottom of the hand. On the face of the clock was a cartoon picture of a little boy holding a flower and kissing a girl. The caption read, "Hello! When you're troubled, just enjoy sliding like me!" (I never knew "sliding" was slang for making out.)
I bargained this bauble down to 20 RMB (yes, can you imagine the starting price was actually higher!?) and went home quite pleased with my purchase. This pleasure seemed justified when a coworker unwrapped my gift during the white elephant game and everybody screamed with delight. Pretending I didn't know what the gift was, I asked another coworker, who explained, "It's a really bad gift. It's like the end of life!"
I had chosen my gift perfectly.
Or so I thought.
The next day, I discovered the true reason for the excessive laughter at my present. It turns out that in Chinese culture, you should never, ever gift a clock to someone, especially not to somebody old. Doing so means you want that person to die, or, quite literally, that the end of their life is near!
Merry Christmas!