immersion

I look up from my rice bowl and take a glance around the table. Everybody's deeply engaged in conversation. In twos and threes, they question, respond, throw their heads back in laughter, or shake their heads in mock dismay. They're talking about a book, or something that happened over the New Year, or maybe the restaurant's lack of service. They make fun of who gets stuck ordering for everybody else, who eats the most rice, who can't eat spicy.
I hear a voice next to me - "...mei guo...?" America. She must be talking to me. "In America, is Qing Ren Jie fun?"
"Qing Ren Jie? What's that? Oh, Valentine's Day?"
I understand the question and open my mouth to speak - and then nothing. I manage to mumble, "Bu hao wan." No, it's not fun.
And that's it. That's all I have the vocabulary to say.
I want to say that I think it's a purely materialistic holiday, one in which the more you spend, the more you love - supposedly. I want to say that I dislike it as I dislike all days in which you're supposed to love more, be a better person, receive more, be showered with affection, or sacrifice to appreciate, just because it happens to be a certain day of a certain month. But I don't know how to say any of that, so I settle with, "No, it's not fun."
From across the table, somebody says, "Mei you qing ren, jiu bu hao wan, dui bu dui?" If you don't have a valentine, then it's not fun, right?
I laugh and nod - and I still have nothing else to offer. The table is silent for a few seconds, and uncomfortably I shovel more rice into my mouth.
I eat so I can't look at them with a puzzled look on my face, so they won't stop talking to translate for me - as I know they kindly will. I don't want them to speak in English. Immersion is the only way I'll learn, so I tell them to use Chinese. But how do you learn when you don't understand?
Conversations fly across the table. By the tone of his voice, I can tell he's being sarcastic, witty. A trace of a smile is on his lips, so instinctively, as everybody else laughs, I smile, too. I have no idea what he just said, but it must have been funny. Haha.
She speaks to me in English, and suddenly I'm relieved. I make a joke. They all laugh. See, I can be funny, too! I do have more substance to me, really! But, wait, I won't learn anything this way. Please, speak Chinese. And I'll go back to eating my rice.